XIR.Xanton
5 Kiloposts
Joined: 19 Apr 2005
Posts: 5327
Location: Next to Munich, Germany
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 Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 12:31 pm Post subject: Staff Notice |
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Staff Notice
With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established
to provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff,
ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for
all. On the first day of every month, all staff will be
issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated.
The doors to all toilets will be equipped with
computer-linked voice recognition devices. Staff must
immediately provide management with two voiceprints, one
normal and one under stress. Once the employee's toilet trip
bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet will not unlock
for the employee's voice until the first of the month.
In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed
paper-roll extractors. If the toilet is occupied for more
than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds
later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into the
dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open
automatically. If the toilet remains occupied, your
photograph will be taken by a security camera and will
appear on the Toilet Offenders Board. Anyone appearing three
times will forfeit three months' toilet trip credits. Anyone
caught smiling when the photograph is taken will undergo
counseling by a clinical psychologist.
Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not
cover any injuries incurred while trying to stop the toilet
paper retracting into the dispenser.
MANAGEMENT
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